How you were set up

Your natural belief in yourself was conditioned out of you. You see, every child has natural belief in themselves. That is why they are so experimental, so curious, so willing to take risks. But yours was conditioned out of you largely by a 3 step process.

First, they implant you with unrealistic expectations. They pretend that getting the things you want will be easy. It wouldn’t take much time or effort. It won’t be too expensive. You won’t have to go through a lot of failure, etc. You won’t have to go through a fog of bad emotions, make a lot of mistakes, deal with tons of unexpected problems, etc.

Second they give you guaranteed-to-fail strategies to achieve these things. At best, these strategies are ineffective or will only work for a select few. For example, they teach you how to pick up women if you are a rock star or a sports star. They repeatedly demonstrate these strategies apparently working but it is all staged of course. They make their strategies sound fool proof, time tested and guaranteed to work. Everyone on TV uses them and they work for them.

Third, since they make it sound like virtually everyone else is using these strategies and getting the results if you aren’t it is you. After all, if you aren’t getting the results it must be you because they work for virtually everyone else and since the establishment is never wrong if you aren’t getting the results with our strategies it must be you and only you. That way you feel alone with the problem. Everything is perfectly fine for everyone else. In reality, many of them are faking via “fake it until you make it”.

Restated, they make you dependent on the outcome “outcome dependent” / results oriented versus process oriented. Because you are results oriented you are focused on doing the same old things over an over until they work. If you were process oriented you would continually experiment and adapt until you got the results but since you are results oriented you try to get the results through will power. You try the same old tired strategies over and over utterly oblivious to the fact that they always or almost always fail you.

So why do you do this? Because you are trained NOT to see the link between cause and effect. You are trained to ignore/ rationalize away your poor results. This causes you to be the very definition of insanity. You do the same things you have always done and yet you expect different results. But of course the truth is that “if you do what you have always done you will get what you have always got”.

So now you implement their strategies and they don’t work, exactly as intended. Of course you don’t know this as they have repeatedly demonstrated through “entertainment” that these strategies were sure fire. Of course this was all 100% staged but you don’t really grasp that. Intellectually you know that but not emotionally. You keep on believing in yourself and “going for it” and using the same old failed strategies and you keep on getting the same results.

Eventually the scam starts to work. You get demoralized by your lack of results. Since the fault can’t be with the strategies it must be with you. After all, these strategies work for everyone else except you. Or at least virtually everyone else except you.

Further, you know that the strategies are good because they came from your betters. The authorities. Since you know that the authorities are never wrong that must mean the strategies are good and the problem is you. By the way this is how they get your belief in them over your belief in yourself to cause you to stop believing in yourself and to get demoralized. Pretty clever, huh? What a great way to get you demoralized and not believing in yourself! Exactly as planned all along.

But there is more! As you stop believing in yourself your self-esteem/ self-trust naturally collapses. You take things personally. You become thin skinned. You feel bad about yourself. Further, because you have so little self-esteem you become risk adverse. You become afraid to take action so both the quantity and ultimately the quality of your actions all but guarantee you will stay stuck and life a mediocre life.